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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.

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Monday, July 11, 2005

The Squeaky (single) Wheel

Following a very insightful, clever and apt post by airtime regarding the real meaning of marriage a commenter calling him/herself StillSearching said...

"What about the singles waiting to be married collect $$$$$$ for hachnasas kala but do nothing for singles."

I noticed the same comment (apropos of nothing) on DovBear's blog under his post on Aidel Maidle and her belief in lifesaving powers of birthdays.

"What about the singles waiting to be married. People collect $$$$$$ for hachnasas kala but do nothing for singles Invey Hagefen Homepage 07.10.05 - 11:35 pm # "

Either this man or woman (I'm guessing it's a man) accidentally posted his comment in two places under two different names or he's really desperate to get the message out about the mistreatment of Jewish singles. As always I'm happy to give my take on the situation and open it up to the chevrah for comments.

First off I'm not really sure what exactly is being compared here:
Is this person outraged that people are donating this "$$$$$$$" (which I can only assume means big bucks) for weddings and not giving the same amount to help singles to find their mate? Should we set up a gemach, or a free loan society, so singles can borrow clothes, cars or whatever they need to impress a date?

Clearly the financially insolvent are making it to the point of engagement (perhaps by going on dates that consist of sitting in their parents' living rooms, airports, or hotel lobbies and not eating or drinking) hence the need for all this wedding related charity.

So what is the issue here exactly?

The work "waiting" in the phrase "waiting to be married" jumps out to me immediately. Marriage does not come to a person who waits around for his one true love to drop out of the sky neatly labeled "YOUR WIFE, HANDLE WITH CARE" Dating anyway you choose to do it requires effort, thought and hard work. Although I myself was married young I have many friends who suffered through miserable periods or dating (or not dating) before they found their husband or wife. When they did find their mate it was not something that happened magically, it was something they sought actively.

I assume though, that there is more to invey/stillwaiting's comment, perhaps I am not sensitized to the plight of the single yid since I've been married for so long. I'd like to hear more.
What can we do for you Stillwaiting?


At 9:56 AM, Blogger Eliyahu said...

either spam, or the desparate plea of...? the same comment was left on a different thread on my blog...and StillSearching has no email or url listed on the link. (or paypal!) may he/she be blessed with their basherte or a good therapist...oh, wait, that's you, Shifra.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Lawyer-Wearing-Yarmulka said...

She posted the same message 4 times by me. I was confused at first, as her post was in response to an article about 450 sheep jumping to their deaths.

At 12:28 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Very strange.

What drives a person to do something like that?
Desperation I guess.

At 12:09 PM, Blogger orthomom said...

I saw this comment peppered throughout the blogosphere. Should I consider myself a failure as a blogger because he didn't post on MY blog? Waaah.

At 1:54 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Clearly blog quality was not the deciding factor here.
My blog is an embarressment compared to yours OM.

At 2:35 PM, Blogger SemGirl said...

He/she put that same comment on my blog in 4 places. But I can really feel for her (I just have a gut feeling its a she) as I am also struggling with Shidduchim.

I am only 19 and still the pressure is intense..

At 11:57 PM, Blogger Air Time said...

I have seen it all over, btu i don't remember if it hit Air Time. I did get a Heshy Infection though.

At 9:06 AM, Blogger Shifra said...

Airtime - I hope that sounds worse than it is!

Semgirl- Welcome! The pressure is already on at 19 eh? I'm sorry to hear it.


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