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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.


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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Modern and the Orthodox - Episode Four

Episode Four:
When we last left the Israeli side of our story, Rabbi Mendlewitz, the noted Rosh Yeshiva, was recovering from a fall during Ma'ariv.

Scene One
Setting: Sha'ar Cholei Yisroel Hospital - Jerusalem, Israel 10PM
Outside of Rabbi Mendlewitz's hospital room. The elderly wife of the Rosh Yeshiva looks tired and shaken but is keeping herself as composed as possible.

Doctor: Mrs. Mendlewitz, why don't you go home now? Your husband is resting comfortably and all the test results are looking good. I know it's very upsetting that he's not recognizing anyone yet but he did have a hard fall. All his cognitive skills seems to be in tact, sometimes the memory though is a tricky thing. Let's let the Rabbi have a good night's rest and we'll see if things look better in the morning. Maybe bring some pictures with you when you come back, we'll see if we can bring him around....

Mrs. Mendlewitz doesn't want to leave but is quickly joined by her sons Yosef and Benyamin who gather her things and take her out to a taxi. The two sons along with a few other bochrim from the yeshiva stay and say tehillim all night outside the RH's room.

Scene Two
Setting: D.O.U.B.T.S. headquarters Ontario, Canada
After making his presentation on the progress of his plan to disprove God and overthrow Orthodox Judaism, Dr. Idstein opens the floor to questions.

A tall, devastatingly handsome man with sapphire blue eyes and anchorman perfect hair- known only to this band of heretics as "Number 2" - rises from seat at Dr. Idstein's left.

Number 2: A truly excellent presentation Dr. I, but as usual I see you have neglected to consider it's implementation. Even the most compelling research paper cannot be read in complete darkness. These people have closed their minds to reality, they don't think they "feel" they "believe" we need to break down that barrier.

Dr. Idstien: Number two, you know I've come to rely on you for such matters and generally I trust your judgement implicitly... but if this is about your plan for drugging the water supply in major Jewish areas, we have already discussed it numerous times, I just don't see how that's going to work.

Number 2: Project Mayiim Genuvim is still a viable option as far as I'm, concerned, but no, this time I have something much more subtle in mind...

Scene Three
Setting: Outside the the home of the Rosenberg Family (senior)
Unable to absorb the tragic story of his mother's death and his adoption by the Rosenberg family Baruch excuses himself from the living room and steps outside onto the front porch for some air.
Unfortunately it's freezing and he neglected to grab his coat on the way out.
He turns the knob to go back into his parents' house but it's locked.
Unwilling to speak with his family until he's calmed down he finds his keys in pocket and sits in the driver's seat of the mini-van and waits for it to heat up.

Mrs R- Oy I knew this wouldn't go well...

Malka Rosenberg (looks around and waits for someone to say something, then looks out the window and sees her husband resting his head on the steering wheel)
It's...It's... a lot to take in at once Ma. You know Baruch loves you, everything will be OK, just give him a little time to adjust. Ummm maybe we should go now.

While Malky gets the kids in their coats and helps them gather up their gifts, Mrs. Rosenberg packs up plastic containers of leftovers from dinner and puts them in a shopping bag.
When no one is looking she throws in some Shabbos leftovers too and a five roll pack of no-name scotch tape she got at Amazing Savings (because you never know.)

The kids hug their Bubby and Zaidy and Malky prompts them to thanks them again for the presents which they do happily.

Avigail Rosenberg (Baruch's second child): Where's Abba?

Malky: He's not feeling so well he went to warm up the car. Let's try to be quiet in the car OK?

The Rosenbergs (junior) get the van and Baruch starts driving home.

11 Comments:

At 9:47 PM, Blogger Little Wolf said...

The tension is killing me.

 
At 10:21 PM, Blogger Eliyahu said...

does this have thing to do with lab rab? the only thing i remember is that rabbi shlomo carlebach, of blessed memory, used to tell a story about the happy jewish hippies being high on shabbos, & the cops that didn't know what kind of a drug shabbos was. although that might be the opposite of your story.

 
At 10:54 PM, Blogger Ayelet said...

Mrs. Rosenberg packs up plastic containers of leftovers from dinner and puts them in a shopping bag.
When no one is looking she throws in some Shabbos leftovers too and a five roll pack of no-name scotch tape she got at Amazing Savings

OMG - I'm choking with laughter! That's so perfect!

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger Scraps said...

And the plot thickens....

Keep it coming. :)

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger Elie said...

"Sha'ar Cholei Yisroel Hospital" - hysterical!!

Keep it going!

 
At 4:22 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

"Sha'ar Cholei Yisroel Hospital" - hysterical!!

Thanks!
That was my favorite joke as well ;-)

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Little Wolf - You are too funny. If you could just talk to my boss about lightening my work load a little maybe I could post it bi-weekly!

Eliyahu- ??? did you reply to the right post or are you high on ahem... "shabbos "as well?

Ayelet - apparently my own real-life Bubby lends herself well to print ;-)

Scraps - Thanks for the support! It's very motivating.

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Eliyahu said...

shifra, i just refering to the line "...about your plan for drugging the water supply in major Jewish areas,.." inspired by lab rab? and this plan in your story might be the opposite of Reb Shlomo's story. i know, if i have to explain the jokes...

a good shabbos is wonderful, tho.

 
At 9:48 PM, Blogger Little Wolf said...

Shifra:

I can only solve one problem at a time. But with names and addresses/phone numbers I can do just about anything.

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger chuck said...

can I request that Chavi Kaufman is somehaw related to .....Baruch Rabbi Mendlewitz or even Dr. Idstein ( or all the above *smirks*)

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger chuck said...

I just reread it.
this stuff rocks, thanx again
and a question if I may
"She got at Amazing Savings" is that an official plug?

 

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