The Modern and the Orthodox: Episode 2
(I'm going to be pretty busy today and tomorrow so I decided to post this week's episode early... Enjoy!)
Setting: An Israeli Hospital late at night.
Several women including the Rosh Yeshiva’s elderly wife are sitting on chairs in the hallway outside a hospital room while a doctor converses with the Rosh Yeshiva’s son (who is a rosh yeshiva himself), and his talmid muvhack (who is also ALSO a Rosh Yeshiva himself) about the man’s condition.
Doctor: It’s too soon to tell but according to the cat scan it appears that there is only a slight concussion. I believe he will make a full recovery. It’s really quite astounding for a man of his age to take such a hard fall without breaking any bones. In fact he is barely bruised! Tell me, did someone catch him?
RH’s son: Well I wasn’t there at the time, I was at my own yeshiva, but I was told that when my father hit his head on the shtender his hat flew back and when he fell, he landed with his head on the hat!!! It’s a miracle! The most amazing part is that he never wears his hat for maariv but only put it on in honor of Chanuka! Nissim v’ neflaos b’Chol yom!
Doctor, maybe you'd like to make a donation to my yeshiva? You know, in honor of this Nes?
RH’s Talmid: This is no time for shnorring! Look! The Rosh Yeshiva is starting to open his eyes!!
Doctor: (in a loud, clear voice) Rabbi, Rabbi Mendlewitz can you hear me?
You are in the hospital. They tell you me you had a bit of a fall. Can you follow this light with your eyes? OK, OK take it easy, it’s alright…
The Rosh Yeshiva begins to look about the room nervously moving only his eyes from side to side.
Doctor: (softly) He may be a bit disoriented (motions to the son) see if you can get him to relax.
Rabbi Mendlewitz Jr. Steps toward his father.
Rabbi M Jr: It’s me, Yosef, is my father still alive?
Rosh Yeshiva: (weakly) Of course I’m alive, what kind of a question is that you idiot?! And who are you?!
Rabbi M Jr: I’m your oldest son, don’t you recognize me?
RY: (whispers) No, you must be mistaken. (Closes his eyes)
Setting: Somewhere in Canada, in an unmarked office building.
A think tank of roughly twenty men and women of various shapes and sizes comprising the secret Downtown Ontario Underground Bittul Torah Society (or D.O.U.B.T.S. as it is known to its members) sit around a wood laminate conference table. At the head of the table stands an unremarkable looking man (well, except for the eyepatch and the lab coat) in his early 40's who speaks enthusiastically as he points his stick at a powerpoint presentation on the wall behind him.
Dr. Idstein: Finally, after years being called "weak" we are at the cusp of finally disproving "God" once and for all and thus ridding ourselves of the plague of Orthodox Judaism!
No more will we be made to feel inadequate, no more will these OJ's be able to lord their "chosen-ness" over all the peoples of the world! Finally, with a combination of advanced particle physics, these old Tradition articles, and with the help of this rusty butter knife, it will be DONE once and for all! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
To Be Continued...