Inspired by the title of this post I’ve decided to create the world’s first heimish online soap opera. Please bear with me, I’ve never written a script before (unless you count summer camp skits or graduation speeches) so it’s bound to be a little rocky at first.
I call it:
THE MODERN AND THE ORTHODOX
Episode one: Scene One:
Setting: Early evening.
The modest home of Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg somewhere in the five boroughs. All the furnishings date back to the late 50’s and yet look brand new due to it’s thick layer of preservative plastic which as been replaced several times in the last 60 years. Pictures of grandchildren abound especially over the never used fireplace and atop the out-of-tune piano.
Fattening foods are stacked on platters on every surface not already covered by photos of grandchildren, in preparation for a Chanuka party.
Mrs. Rosenberg stands watching at the window for her son and his family to arrive while Mr. Rosenberg watches the weather channel on an ancient console TV in the living room.
Mrs. Rosenberg: Bernie, shut that off already. The kids should be here any minute and we still need to decide about… well you know.
Mr. Rosenberg: Oy, this again! Every year you say you want to “decide” and then I say “lets do it” and then you say oh, now is not a good time because everyone is in such a good mood, or Malky is pregnant, or the kids are in the room, or Boruch is out of work… Do it or don’t do it but leave me out if it this time.
Mrs. Rosenberg: I know, I know we really shouldn’t have waited until our boy was 38 to tell him he’s adopted, he just seems so much like our son I didn’t see the point in stirring all that up. All the questions, all the tzuris… I guess I’d just hoped he’d figure it out on his own by now. Every year it seems to get harder and harder to tell him. (Sighs) I know it's foolish but I always thought it might get in the way of his dreams... you know... but now that he's married, with beautiful children- he's got his Phd in psychology and he's the Rabbi of a wonderful modern orthodox kelliah it seems like all his dreams have come true so what could it hurt right?
Sound of minivan pulling into the driveway, lights shine in the front window.
Mrs. Rosenberg: (with resolve) OK tonight is the night, I'm going to tell him right after we give the kids their chanuka presents. Go open the door, I need to check on the latkes.
The bais medrish of a famous yeshiva in Jerusalem, maariv is just wrapping up. Suddenly there is a loud bang, followed by gasping and a general panic at the front of the room.
Bochar #1: (in Hebrew) What happened, what happened!!
Bochar #2: (in Hebrew) It's the Rosh Yeshiva I think, let me get a closer look
Bochar #2 squeezes himself forward for a closer look, the Rosh Yeshiva, an older man with a grey and white beard lies motionless on the floor. His talmidim stand all around him chattering loudly about what should be done but not acutally doing anything.
Rav #1: It's his head! He hit it on the Shtender during va' anchnu Korim in aliynu!! I heard the thump but he fell to the ground before I could get to him!
Students moan and begin reciting tehillim. Minutes later someone finally remembers to call the ambulance.
Tune in next week for another exciting episode of THE MODERN AND THE ORTHODOX!