Mocking the Unwell or Oh, Shut UP!

So I've been off-blog for a while but it's for a good reason - I've been sick.

I have ummm... OK....well... I have Mono.... but please, don't go to any trouble, I've already heard all the jokes.

No, I'm not 19, yes I know it's called the kissing disease (I did go to High School you know) and unlike in HS where a case of Mono might actually improve your social standing, as an adult it just seems weird to people.

No, I don't know where I got it, I don't know anyone with Mono, I've never had it before and believe me as an adult it's no fun. I'm getting better though, finally.

I once was lost....

I have no sense of direction. I can get lost in my own town, which is a pretty good trick since it's less than two miles across. I get it from my father, I think, who blames it on being left-handed, although I don't quite see the connection.

So FINALLY I broke down and got a GPS. It's not a good one, I mean it's good enough, but not a top of the line, name brand-y type of GPS.

Sometimes I don't understand why it routes me the way it does - for example on a trip back to New Jersey from New England it took me on some kind of meandering tour through all of the Bronx - but it gets me where I need to go one way or another. It gives me a lot of peace of mind because getting lost is something I find very frustrating and sometimes frightening.

But mostly it's just SO FREAKING COOL! The fact that this little hunk of metal and plastic can know where it is at any given moment and can tell me how to get wherever I want to go, and how long it will take nearly blows my mind. I feel like Buck Rodgers or something with a little sidekick that actually talks to me.

The future is here...and it's saying take a left in 500 ft.

Lawn Care and the Single Woman

Yeah, I've been gone a long time.
Longer than I've been away from this blog, that's for sure.
I haven't felt like "Ask Shifra" in well over a year but slowly I'm feeling more and more like myself.

My husband and I separated in February... it was a long time coming I guess but no less shocking somehow. When I tell people about it I compare it to this cartoon I had on my fridge for many years.

In the first frame there is a snail about two feet away from a banana peel.
In the second frame it's about a foot away from the peel.
In the third frame the snail is right up next to the peel.
And it the fourth it's yelling "WHOA!" as it slips way up into the air.

You know it's coming but it doesn't seem possible until it happens.

Telling our kids was the worst, telling my grandmothers wasn't great either.
"Who's going to mow the lawn?" asked my grandma, clearly shaken.
"I will" I said "I've always mowed the lawn."
"Couldn't you pay a neighbor boy to do it? There must be some boys around who can mow the lawn?"
"Grandma, it's not a problem, I've always mowed the lawn, I can mow the lawn..."
"Maybe you could hire a service, I don't think it would cost that much..."

So now I'm very careful to keep my lawn looking good.
The appearance of my wellbeing depends on it apparently.

For those of you left hanging from my last post, I'm pleased to report that in week seven of my job search I had three excellent job offers. I chose the company that seemed the most flexible and well organized because that's really what I need right now. It was a good choice, and I am very happy there.

I'm busy but not too busy to crank out a post now and then if anyone is still interested.
Is anyone?

Unemployment Week 3 - Out of the Box

Today I spent an hour being on hold with, and then disconnected by, the New Jersey Department of Labor's voice mail system, it seems like by the time I get my unemployment money I may well have returned to the workforce!

So far there do seem to be a lot of jobs ad out there for work in my field.
I'm reading through them and applying to 'em one by one.
Just now I saw two job ads in a row requesting someone that "thinks outside the box."

Ummm... Job ad writer guys? I have a message for you:
The 1980's just called, they want their clever catch phrase back.
I might go so far as to say that out of the box practically IS today's box. So uninspiring.

Anyway back to it! Looking for a job is my job these days and for once I can't afford to slack too much. Also I've got another batch of cinnamon buns in the works and I need to go check on them.

The Unemployment Chronicles - Week 2

Stop me before I bake again!!!

Well, week one of being unemployed went pretty well.
My kids were off from school and I needed some time to just relax so we went places, did projects, wrote book reports, watched movies and had fun. I also baked quite a bit. Chavi Kaufman likes to bake and so do I so there are now plenty of treats around the house for week two and I am home alone with all of them!

For months I'd been craving really gooey caramel-y cinnamon buns and I've been working on perfecting the recipe - I'm getting close - another batch or two and I should be there!
Job hunting is hard, and often depressing. Baking is easy and satisfying.

The trouble is I'm not quite fitting into my interview suit as it is and all of these baked good are not helping. Maybe tomorrow I'll start jogging... and working a little harder at this whole job search thing... or maybe both, but that's DEFINITELY going to require another batch of cinnamon buns, and of course a cup of coffee.

Axe Shifra (Part 2)

On Thursday morning I was laid off.

There had been rumors, of course, but you never really know until you get the call to go down to HR. I was pretty shaken, but I was given a very respectable severance package (unlike LAST TIME) so I will not have to worry for a few months and maybe I can find something that won't have me driving three hours a day.

For now I'll be doing some freelance writing (some for free, as tzedaka, and some paid) getting myself together, collecting unemployment, spending more time with the kids, and looking for work.

It times out well, with this being the kids' vacation week. Now we can have some fun together, instead of my working most of the time. Today I'll be out on a little adventure with them all day but leave me a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

BEEEEEEEEP!

A Herculean Act of Cowardice

This week a Jewish Cemetery in New Jersey was desecrated in a way I'd never seen.
90 percent of the headstones (nearly 500!) were knocked down and many smashed into pieces as they were pushed into one another.

Although this was front page news locally, it didn't even make it into the paper 30 miles away. I sent the link to Dov Bear who posted on it instantly, but popular as he, he's no CNN. Read about the 90 year old man who buried his family there. It will break your heart. My own dear friend CB has family there as well it's very upsetting. One would hope that when our loved ones are laid to rest we do not need to worry about them any longer. That they are safe and protected. The added stress of something like this is just cruel.

I don't know why I feel the need for more people to know about this.
To me this seems just huge somehow - clearly there were people pushing over headstones all night, hundreds of headstones falling and smashing, and no one called the cops.

Unable to resist, I actually drove by the cemetary myself to say some tehillim and check things out for myself. Out of respect for the families that were there to check on their loved ones I stayed in my car. Still I was able to scope out the surrounding area pretty well. Based on the location in which I found the cemetary (in a populated, formerly Jewish area- adjacent to a well traveled street, right next door to a supermarket) I found it unbelievable that all the damage was only found by grave diggers who had come to work the following morning!

To me this means, people knew and just didn't care.

I was so upset I called my father. "Why would someone do something like that" I said.
"Because they are cowards" my father replied "the dead don't fight back."

Perhaps the dead don't fight back, but we should.

Work- now with 20% less fun!

I work for a professional organization, with a constantly changing corporate structure, and rules, standards, and policies galore.

Since the rulemakers can't be everywhere at once the good folks in the IT department have set us all up with some sort of internet filter - which blocks out all the fun, non-worky type web sites and allows us to visit the more boring, useful type sites.

For example:
We can visit CNN's home page, but the sports section is blocked.
We can go to yahoo to look up a phone number, but cannot visit their music section.
We can use google, but gmail is off limits.

The software also gives you a reason for the block:
Homestarrunner is classified as "useless,"
whereas MP3Sparks registers as a "music/entertainment site."

Since the web is constantly changing this software is updated frequently, and as such, I have to keep finding new sites to visit during my downtime or when I need a break.

I used to enjoy listening to NPR podcasts while I worked - but as of today those are blocked now. Very disappointing.
No more LOLCATS either - too bad, thoze catz iz funni!

Odd Todd and XKCD still seem to be flying under the radar for now, and amazingly blogger is working too (at least for now.)

OK, my break is over - post your favorite (non-blog) websites in the comments if you like!

-Shifra

Hot Stuff

Bagel shops should label their cream cheeses.
This morning I pointed at what I THOUGHT was cream cheese with green olives behind the glass for my bagel, but it turned out to be jalapeno cream cheese heavy on the japapenos!
GOOOOOOD MORNING!!!
Whew!
Woke me up though.

Speaking of things that are hot.... my husband is endlessly troubled by the winter offering at Dunkin' Donuts known as "White Hot Chocolate."
This is hot beverage, similar to cocoa, but made with white chocolate instead of the real stuff.

It's pretty tasty, even though white chocolate isn't really my thing, but what bothers Amram is the name. To him a "white hot" beverage should be undrinkable, uncontainable by mere styrofoam! It should require the employees to use tongs, and wear welding masks... and should you burn your tongue... woe unto you!
He thinks they should call it Hot White Chocolate - more appetizing, less frightening.

I tried to get him to think about it differently - imagine if it was a mint flavored cocoa drink - they'd call it "Mint hot chocolate" right? Hot white chocolate makes it sounds like a melted down candy bar not a white chocolate beverage I think, but there is no convincing him.

OK that's all, just wanted to let you know I'm still around.

Oh, and I hear that my email isn't listed anywhere on this site for some reason.
I'll have to fix that but in the meantime if you have questions to "ask Shifra" send 'em on to shifraq@gmail.com and I'll get to them as soon as I can.

-Shifra

Hi Mom!

Well, it was only a matter of time.
My parents have discovered my blog, or as my mom put it "You've blogged out!"
How about that?!
I suppose it was inevitable, when you blog about something personal there is always a chance, but it was still kind of a surprise since my parents aren't really internet people.

Hopefully I didn't write anything too embarrassing here and if they do choose to read through the archives maybe they'll find some things to make them smile.

Mom, Dad- welcome to the blog.