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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.


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Sunday, January 14, 2007

Writing Kefira is EASY!!!

To test out my theory on blogger tells I wrote this piece of machshava (to use the term VERY loosely) to be published anonymously on the famous "XGH" blog which is known for wide variety of hashafic outlooks and the frequent beating of dead horses.

Sadly it received this automated reply:
Thank you for your submission. Unfortunately it is not a fit with our current needs. However, I will keep it on file and will be sure to contact you should my needs change.
Thank you for you interest in XGH and good luck in your search for a blog on which to host your post.

So I'll post it here instead in the interest of not wasting.
Would you have known it was me?
BTW Writing kefira is a cinch! If I had to do it over I'd definitely rethink this whole advice blog business!

GUEST POST

[Note: For this post I’m going to make the large assumption that you believe in God. If you don’t, it’s not going to make a lot of sense… Then again, maybe it won’t anyway!]

The problem with most religious indoctrination is that it happens before you are old enough to think for yourself.

Do you really still want to believe in the Santa Clause God you learned about in pre-school? He’s here, He’s there He’s everywhere!! He’s listening to our prayers, healing the sick, and making every blade of grass grow. All this attention to detail, and never a mention of his possible involvement in worldwide tragedies, genocides, and natural disasters.

But then again, four year olds are not allowed to stay up to watch the 11 O’ clock news are they?

It all goes down as easy as warm milk at bedtime.

But did you know that there are between 30 and 50 million lactose intolerant adults in the US alone?

Coincidence? Maybe.

Non sequitur? Yeah, Pretty much.

This crux of the matter is that you can't have it both ways – either God is micromanaging both the good and evil in this world or he isn’t, but perhaps those are not the only options.

Imagine the world was a hi-rise apartment building in Manhattan.

Who would God be?

The Architect

Sure he built that building! He has the schematics in his basement and will proudly show them to his friends when they come over for dinner. The building isn’t always on his mind; after all it is not the only thing he’s ever done. Still, whenever he is in town he can’t resist taking a peek at it to see how his baby is holding up, and once in a blue moon he gets a call from the owner to ask about the structural feasibility of removing an I-Beam to please a very wealthy and demanding tenant.

The Architect/Owner

Not only did this talented fellow build the building, he is that rare breed that owns it as well. Because he knows every detail and poured his very essence into each girder and rivet he keeps a close watch on everything. If there is a kid picking at the wallpaper in the hallway on the 19th floor, he’ll be dealt with promptly. If any big changes need to be made he will be the one directing it all. From evictions, to partial demolitions, to re-grouting the bathroom tile in 28C he knows and controls all.

The Lazy Superintendent

This old salt sure has a lot of stories to tell… Did you know he was around when this building first went up? Well he was! They couldn’t have done it without him to hear him tell it.

These days though he’s got a bit of a gut on him and he spends most days watching TV on an old black and white set in the basement. Occasionally he takes a peek at building’s security camera but mostly just to check out the women. He generally keeps things at the status quo unless someone really gets on his case. He can occasionally be swayed by tears or an animal sacrifice a carton of cigarettes. Once in a while he gets inspired to start up a big conversation with someone or do some major renovations but most of the time he’s pretty much invisible.

As an adult it should be impossible to look at someone in power and only see the good that he does (unless your only news source is Pravda or you are a Republican lackey) and as humans it would be natural for us to want find that leader accountable for his actions or inactions.

Does this mean we should go around making up our own little reasons for why things happen, or telling people we think they are sinners by comforting them with the Jewish expression “it should be an atonement” in their darkest hours?

Maybe we’re just giving the super too much credit.

Labels: ,

13 Comments:

At 7:42 AM, Blogger Air Time said...

Someone's been listening to TAL

 
At 8:01 AM, Blogger Shifra said...

BUSTED!!!

 
At 9:24 AM, Blogger Air Time said...

By the way, our old friend Sholom AUslander has been on a few times recently. Did you catch him?

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger Shifra said...

Yes, between listening to the stories about building supers and the Sholom Auslander stuff this little post came easy!
I forgot you are also an avid listener! At least I didn't pinch any material, just the inspiration... Whew!

 
At 4:49 PM, Blogger Air Time said...

Its much easier to catch each week now that they have gone to a weekly podcast. It downloads every week automatically into my computer and I usually listen while getting ready for Shabbat

 
At 10:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

he also wrote a piece in the nyt magazine last week.

 
At 3:36 PM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

You must unlearn what you have learned.

 
At 6:17 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Lines from StarWars Day today eh Steve?

How's that workin' out for you?

 
At 8:23 PM, Anonymous Eh, Steve said...

Everything is proceding as I have forseen....

 
At 12:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I seems like this post has attracted only joking responses so far. Was that how it was intended, or were you trying to start a serious theological discussion?

And what's TAL?

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

TAL is short for "This American Life" a program on public radio.
They recently did a show devoted to building superindendants.

 
At 5:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think a better analogy than a landlord would be to a zookeeper. Unfortunately, as Harav HaGaon Paul Simon shlita tells us, "The Zookeeper is very fond of rum".

 
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Cialis
Valium
Norco
Wellbutrin
Diflucan
Fioricet
Butalbital
Ultram
Vicodin
Effexor
Adipex
Ambien
Lipitor
Viagra
Prozac
Diazepam
Zovirax
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Alprazolam
Xenical
Lorazepam
Tamiflu
Famvir
Didrex
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