Kesui Rosh (head covering) and Kurt Vonnegut
Emunah Threat Level Medium
I get a lot of mild to moderate headaches (I’d say daily) particularly between the hours of 7AM and 6PM Monday through Friday. As much as I’d like to blame the speakerphone abusers around my office I don’t really think it’s their fault. I think it’s my hat/sheitel/scarf that’s doing it. Having something tight (or loose for that matter) around your head for more than a few hours can be quite uncomfortable. I’m a very animated person by nature and the strain caused by limiting the movement of my head and neck to keep my hat/headwear on straight (often without realizing it) can cause headaches as well.
I know that I’m not the only woman who feels that way – C.B. (who you may remember from my carpool stories) complains of a “sheitel headache” nearly every time we drive home together. My mother-in-law does not cover her hair unless she is in Shul. My sister-in-law told me that she asked her about it (something I would NEVER dare to ask, but my SIL is gutsy) and heard this story:
When my MIL was first married she started covering her hair but after suffering from daily headaches she asked a Rav (no, I don’t know which one but I have a sneaking suspicion his initials are Y.B.S.) who told her that she could give it up. I had never heard a story like that before and I can’t imagine that this psak is standard issue.
All this “enforced suffering” reminded me of a gripping short story by Kurt Vonnegut which many of you may be familiar with, called “Harrison Bergeron.”
It’s a futuristic tale of extreme equality. In this dystopia, above average citizens are handicapped mentally or physically to render them exactly equal to everyone else. Oh just read the story.
It’s short.
Sad, but short.
Anyway, it got me thinking. While I understand many aspects of religious modesty hair covering has me baffled. A woman’s hair may be attractive but it is no more attractive than a woman’s eyes, or her smile especially in a society in which head-covering is not the norm. In fact, when a woman’s hair is covered by a gorgeous custom sheitel she may look sexier than ever! Is the forcing of women to covering their hair just another way of keeping women suppressed and limited from achieving their potential?
If you can’t think straight you can’t very well rebel and overthrow the world of men can you?
Imagine what I’d be today if not for my years of head-covered suffering! If I could be headache free I imagine I’d be more productive and patient. So is kesui rosh just man or God’s way of handicapping women? Or should I just turn my headphones down to a reasonable volume and kick my caffeine addiction and see if things improve?
posted by Shifra @ 2:22 PM
29 Comments:
This is obviously a huge topic. IIRC there was a really good discussion of this a couple of months ago on another blog I read. I will search for it and post a link.
However as an initial summary, there are those who believe that hair-covering is a halachik requirement only in those societies where general modest women cover their hair (e.g., today's Arab world). Accoring to this view, in the modern-day US, the requirement for Jewish women (and men!) is to dress modestly by society's current standards. This would not necessarily require hair covering for married women, or preclude modest pants for all women.
Obviously the issue is way more complicated than this, but this is a starting point.
- Elie
PS: As I assume is well-known, the rebbitzin of the gadol whose initials you list did not - nor did many of the gedolim's wives of that generation.
Wow. Wow wow wow.
I would never have drawn that parallel in a million years, but it's always been one of my favorite Vonnegut stories, and you might have hit on something scary-profound. So of course now you'll probably have to be killed.
sigh.
Another non-coverer here, for the reasons elle stated. But am now tempted to add the Vonnegut angle to the reason-list too. ;)
Holy smokes - the previous discussion I was remembering was on your blog! See here, especially the 17th comment down, which contains Rabbi Broyde's halachik analyis.
I think it's also clear that for most Orthodox women, a significant component of this issue is social and emotional, not purely "dry" halacha (if indeed there is such a thing).
Dear Shifra,
As a hair-coverer (raised not) I am very partial to light, comfortable headwear. When I was in school full-time spending most of the day at a computer, and when I worked nearly a full day, I found that sheitel=headache.
In college I started wearing scarves one day (after some time in a wavy, very natural looking sheitel). My dept head commented- hey, woman, what's that shmata doing on your head? and that was the end of it.
At work I had very comfortable hats - basic navy or black for winter, white or beige cotton for summer. I did not find them a problem.
I agree with Mirty about the neck rolls. In fact, try
http://www.possibility.com/PowerPause/index.html
(The only problem with this program, I find, is that it slows down the computer, but it's great for preventing the sitting-too-long-at-the-computer-stiffness. You could print out the exercises and then use a timer instead of the program to remind you.)
I have heard of other people getting heterim from quite machmir Rebbeim over very serious issues with migranes caused by covering hair.
Hmm- I wear scarves most days for head coverings rather than for hair coverings (I'm egal and not married), and I've yet to get a headache. But then, if my hair slips out, it's not a problem- I usually wear them so as to make sure a chunk of hair is showing, to make the point that I'm not married, not doing it for that reason. So my scarves usually cover from an inch to a little over a tefach (a full one, not the narrow one some folks use) back, and just hang. I don't know if that info might be helpful in finding ways for scarves not to hurt as much. I've found that more clips mean you can tie looser- might that help?
Wow great comments!
Mirty- you are right things have changed. These days it's a real statement about who you are if you cover your hair or you don't (never mind how much of it you cover and what you cover it with!)
I do as much stretching as I can during the day but I can't say I've even been capable of a headstand... That would be something to see wouldn't it? Shifra, upside-down, in the ladies room?
Elie- Are you implying that I'm obessed with this topic? Ok just a little... You made some good points though (as usual) it is not a purely halachic issue - and as Mirty also said the times they are a changing.
Step Ima- For wows?! That's a personal best for me. Interestingly when I ran this concept by my husband and asked him "Do you think that Kesui Rosh is meant to keep women down?" he said "Of course, it's a form of suppression" and then returned to eating his sandwich. I swear I'll never figure that man out!
SG- Staring at the screen for a whole day even bareheaded can cause headaches! I will definately check that program out!
SL- Very interesting! Were these rabbanim Ashkenas or Sephard?
Debka- I'm not sure I understood you- you are covering your head even though you are not married? May I ask why?
I actually prefer the reverse - fewer clips when possible I find putting my hair into two ponytails anchors the scarf so that I don't need clips at all.
I've known a few women (mostly hippy ones, in Israel) who wore scarves of various types on their heads as a fashion statement.
I've also known a few completely egal married women who covered their heads for halakhic reasons.
I've definitely gotten headaches from wearing a (too tight?) baseball cap for too many hours straight.
I'm not married yet but it would be a HUGE statement in my community if I would not cover my hair, especially since my Mom does. When I was younger I was adamant that I would cover my hair, but as I get a little older (pushing 30) I am not so sure. I probably will end up covering my hair, but just may not be so strict about how much I show.
Shifra: Wasn't trying to imply an "obsession". I was just exclaiming in surprise that my fuzzy memories of a previous discussion let me right back here!
I do think this is an important topic worthy of revisiting. It touches on many sub-topics such as halacha and women's rights, halacha and health issues, and disparagement of, and/or re-writing history the of, previous generations of frum Jews. On the latter subject, I'm reminded of how the Artscroll "history" series airbrushes sheitalach onto the women in gedolim's family pictures.
Shifra- just an idea. Maybe it's not your head covering but the way you have your hair tied back? Of course, this theory negates itself if you don't tie your hair back, but if you do, I know that ponytails, especially those too tightly pulled back, will give headaches. I grew up wearing a pig-tail every day and I swore the back of my head was always sore where the rubberband was and I had constant headaches and eye strain. Just a thought anyways...
BTW- definitely turn down your headphones and don't go cold turkey off the caffeine- then you will really have headaches!
Often, anything that's too tight on your head (as was said, this happens with baseball caps) will cause a headache. It happens sometimes with tefillin, too. Maybe your head coverings are a bit too small?
elie, thanks for remembering my citation from a few months ago. In my community(MO) the majority of women do not cover their hair except in shul. In fact, at my kids school (MO again, get the picture?) I sometimes figure out the percentage of women covering their hair at assemblies and plays and such, and it has never gone over 10%, usually hovering around 5%. So I guess it is pretty clear how I feel about the idea. However, if the covering is causing you distress and/or medical problems, and you feel the need to have a 'heter' I would talk to your local halachic authority.
Head covering was common for men and women(I have a long post at my site on head covering for men, for anyone interested) in the time of the gemara, and there is an undeniable social/cultural aspect to the issue, whatever the absolute halacha may be. I dont think that there was a deliberate attempt to "keep women down', but there was a deliberate attempt to keep the attractivness of women down.
Shabbat Shalom
Maybe you could help me with some Questions. I'd appreciate you input.
I think Mirty's idea is the best.
Go find somewhere quiet, or the women's bathroom, put a pillow on the floor, and do some handstands.
While it may not totally solve your headaches, I'm sure it will definitely be a good source of interesting blog postings. I'm sure we'd all love to hear what your coworkers would have to say about you doing headstands in the middle of the day...
Someone opens the broom closet to find you upside down humming an ABBA song to yourself?
PRICELESS.
i. feel. your. pain.
literally.
since moving to israel, however, and feeling less the-need-to-look-like-the "regular" public (ie sheitel/fall wearing in the work-a-day world) i have turned-in my falls and berets for light and airy mitpachot and have thus eliminated the kesui rosh related headaches.
oh. and if my scarf accidentally unties or comes undone, i simply don't liken it to my skirt falling off - and since your hair doesn't get as smashed under a scarf as under just about anything else, there is less loss of dignity on the few occassions where it happens. though, admittedly, i am far more laid back about this than many other women i know who cover their hair.
as many of your commenters have indicated -- this is a HUGE topic. huge. me, i cover b'siman, and consider hair to be less ervah-dik than other parts of the body. part of that comes from an intuitve feeling -- unmarried girls are allowed to show their hair, but not their cleavage, thighs, and ... well... you get the picture.
if covering is something you feel you don't want to give up, try mitpachot. experiment with different shapes and sizes -- you might find your comfort zone! b'hatzlacha.
I cover my head because I'm egal and want a headcovering whenever I'm making a bracha, and I'm a space-cadet, so wearing something all the time is partially a practical matter so I'm not off looking for something to put on my head if I want a snack. And part of it is an ideal of maintaining a ritual standard equal to what I believe my obligations are. And in the modern Jewish world, that involves a headcovering. It's just that often scarves invite fewer questions than kippot, and I'm not always interested in being a walking educational display. That make sense?
Hi Shifra,
When I first got married and started covering my hair, I always had headaches, scalp aches, etc. But then a got a better fitting shaitel and cut my hair and I feel fine. I work full time and wear my shaitel on average about 16 hr/day and feel fine. Hatzlacha!
Hello Shifra
As was said before, a lot depends on how you tie your hair back and what kissui you wear. I am rather sensitive around my head and ears and so is my mum, however, we both manage without headaches to cover all of our hair.
Try to keep your hair as loose as possible under the kissui. No elastic bands near you scull. There are ways to tie a scarf with your hair loose and open underneath amd still cover all of it - even with very long hair.
If you're worried about the scarve's slipping try a wide tricot hairband under your scarf. Choose a not too tight one.
Hair covering has me baffled in many ways and while I almost feel like I can't say anything because I'm not married and so don't do it yet myself, I would argue with the assertion that hair is not any more attractive than other things.
Just judging by the time girls put into their hair (I have friends who will routinely spend an hour or more straightening their hair) compared even with putting on make-up, you can see how important hair is and how much we view it as attractive--and attracting.
(Additionaly, I have a friend who wrote a whole paper about the theme of hair in Shir Ha'Shirim and how intricately that was tied into love and relationships.)
Now, the question becomes why don't we cover our hair before we're married and I don't have an answer to that one, but I definitely buy the theory that hair is something intrinsically attractive. And if you hold that you're covering it to remind YOU that you're married, well considering how important hair is to girls pre-marriage, that makes a lot of sense.
Hi Shifra,
As reflected in the comments there are many women who feel the same way. I try to go for maximum comfort (parkhurst barrets!), but I don't work in an office so I realize I am lucky (except that I never get work done and I blog instead!).
I also think that sometimes a little moderation goes a long way. I received a psak from a prominent rabbi when we got married that I did not have to cover my hair in my house (even in front of men, except if there are a lot of pple, like at a party). I have found this makes a BIG difference. It is nice to feel that sometimes you can just take it off.
Well health issues is one thing the rabbis are genuinely concerned with the people and their health. And honestly I guess I think that women modesty is a good thing. And I believe that the Orthodox Jew standard of modesty is the most fair that I have seen. But that is my opinion Because I am looking at it from a standpoint of someone who has looked at various relgions.
I actually love Torah, though there is so much I don't understand. I do understand the idea that modesty both for men and women is important. And I think that is something to do with the idea of not copying the non-Jews. But I think that in making this rule they are trying differate Jew and gentile to be an example. I believe that Judaism in a sense has tried so hard to comprimise that some Jews are beginning to be worried about losing their idenity. And that is happening today and therefore the reform or coming back to the ancient traditions of Judaism, which I feel is progress.
Hi Shifrah:
Though I'm not strictly Orthodox, I do cover my hair, even though I'm not married.
I used to wear a kippah, but I found that I ended up being a walking educational display, as someone commented above.
Lately I've been wearing a scarf, usually with my hair not pulled back and the scarf tied in just a plain headwrap style.
I cover my head because I believe that it's more respectful to have one's head covered when praying, and I find myself praying a lot outside the synagogue.
I also find that it serves as a reminder that there is a God "above" me, watching my every action.
I was surprised to find a comment from someone else who isn't Orthodox but covers their head despite being unmarried.
I was beginning to think I was the only one.
I think the reason why your getting headaches is because your wearing heavy headcoverings! I found a website called "CoverYourHair.Com" and they sell these really LIGHT hair covers (they call them israeli tichels)that wouldn't give you a headache!
There is also www.millineryshop.net I love their products I have to check my head when I leave the house to make sure that it's covered! They are that comfortable. You basically have to try different head coverings to find what works for you. Don't give up right away:)
Dear Shifra,
I am writing to inform you that there is No codified Halacha that a married woman must cover her hair totally and constantly whenever she steps out of her house.
The Halachah has been MISinterpreted.The true interpretation of the Halachah is as follows:
A married woman is required to cover her hair when she lights the candles to welcome in Shabbat and Yom Tov – lechavod Shabbat ve Yom Tov - and when she goes to the Synagogue, because that is the place of Kedusha.
The Halacha does not require anything more from married women.
This misinterpretation of the Torah is completely Assur, and a TWISTING of the Torah.The Torah must remain straight.
In ancient times, a woman would only cover her hair upon entering the Beit Hamikdash.Similarly for the Sotah-otherwise she would not be required to cover her hair ordinarily, day to day.
It is very important for people to know and realise that when a married woman covers her hair with 'Real Hair' the woman is covering herself with 100% Tumah. This is totally against the Torah.
Nothing could be more nonsensical than for a Jewish woman to cover her hair with someone else's hair -who was not Jewish as well!She can never fully be sure that this 'hair' has not come from meitim-despite any guarantee by the seller.This 'real hair' is doubly and in some circumstances, triply Tumah.
1.It will contain the leftover dead hair cells from another person - however much it has been treated, the tumah is still there.
2.This other person (likely to be a non-Jew who most likely was involved in some kind of Avodah Zarah) may have eaten bacon, ham, lobster etc, all of which are totally forbidden as unclean and non-kosher foods in Halacha.
3.If the woman happens to be the wife of a COHEN, then she is bringing her husband into close contact and proximity with meitim and Tumah Every day, and throughout their married life. This is clearly strictly against the Torah.
There is nothing more degrading and demeaning to a woman than to make her cover her hair FOR LIFE upon marriage.It is an abhorrent practice.
Any man who makes such a ridiculous demand on his wife, or wife-to-be, should similarly also be required by his wife to wear: long white stockings, even in the summer; a fur streimel; grow a long beard; wear a black hat and coat constantly, and cover his face when he speaks to his wife.Wigs-"la perruque"-were merely a fashion item in the time of Louis XIV-they are not for the Jewish woman!
Rabbi Menachem Schneeersohn tz”l, was unfortunately wrong in this instance.He gave the directive that a married woman must cover her head with a “sheitel.”This needs to be corrected.Rabbi Schneersohn a"h, was a Tzaddik, – but on this – he was, unfortunately not correct.
It is extremely unhealthy and unhygienic for a woman to cover her hair constantly.The hair needs oxygen to breathe.A woman's hair will lose its natural beauty and shine, she may have scalp problems, some of her hair may fall out, she may get headaches, and she may end up cutting it short like a man, when she always wore it long, in order not to have too much discomfort from her hair covering.
Do you think that HaKadosh Baruch Hu commanded this of women? I can assure you that He did not.The commmandments are not meant to cause so much repression and oppression in women.Was Chava created with a wig? Of course not! Did she start wearing a wig? Of course not!
Please Wake Up.
Use the spark of intelligence that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave to you and blessed you with.
And give your wig back to your husband if you wear one.
There is No codified Halacha that a married woman must cover her hair totally and constantly whenever she steps out of her house.
The Halachah has been MISinterpreted.The true interpretation of the Halachah is as follows:
A married woman is required to cover her hair when she lights the candles to welcome in Shabbat and Yom Tov – lechavod Shabbat ve Yom Tov – and when she goes to the Synagogue, because that is the place of Kedusha.
The Halacha does not require anything more from married women.
This misinterpretation of the Torah is completely Assur, and a TWISTING of the Torah.The Torah must remain straight.
1. To all the women who are wondering about the sources:
We have all been created, "Betselem Elokim" - "in the image of Elokim." This means that we have been given something called "intelligence." The source is the very first Parsha, Bereishit - 1:27. It is time that people use the spark of intelligence and Kedusha with which Hashem has blessed them.
If your rabbi will tell you to go and jump into the depths of a glacier, presumably you would do that too – and give me a source for it?
“According to the Zohar”, I should also be covering my hair with a wig when I have a bath. “According to the Zohar and the Gemara” and all the sources that have misinterpreted the Halachah, and MIStranslated the Zohar, I should also have been born with a WIG on my head.
Those who tell me about their sources which are incorrect, should also tell me about these “translations” and these “sources.”
2.Remember that the Jewish women are very, very holy. They are much more holy than the men. Look at the exemplary behaviour of the women at Har Sinai.
The women never sinned at the Eigel, and so are greatly elevated. Many of the men, unfortunately, ran after a calf made out of a lump of gold – after they had just been given the Torah, and seen the greatest of all Revelations. The women refused to give their gold for the avodah zarah of the men.
The women were greatly elevated after such a wonderful display of Emunah, and they are regarded very highly in Shamayim.
That is why women are not even required to pray. They can pray at home on their own. Nor do women have to make up a minyan. That is how holy the Jewish women are. Men have to pray 3 times a day to remind them of their Creator.
The men are telling the women to put the hair of a non-Jewish woman who may have eaten things like snakes and sharks and alligators, and has worshipped in churches, Buddist temples or Hindu temples : on their own Heads. They had better wake up.
If the men don’t want to wake up to the truth, and the true interpretation of the Halacha, the women will wake them up – whether they like it or not.
3. Many righteous women influenced their husbands for the good at the Chet Haeigel and at the time of Korach.
It was these righteous women who succeeded in bringing their husbands back to their senses.
And because of these great women, the lives of their husbands were saved. Those men therefore turned away from the madness of avodah zarah, and the rebellion of Korach against Hashem's choice of Aharon as Cohen HaGadol.
4. Look at the Jewish women in history, and remember how holy they are.
(a) Yaakov, who was the greatest of the Avot, came to marry the 2 daughters of Lavan, Rachel and Leah. Lavan was not exactly a tzaddik. Yaakov went to Lavan, of all people, to marry his 2 daughters – not 1 daughter, but his 2 daughters. Nothing could be greater than that.
(b) Rut, who came from Moav, became the ancestor of David Hamelech.
(c ) Batya, the daughter of Paroh, was given eternal life because she rescued Moshe from the river. No one could have been more evil than Paroh.
(d) Devorah, was a Neviah, and also a Judge.
Women, who came from such adverse backgrounds, with wicked fathers – were able to become builders of Am Yisrael. That is how holy the women are, and how much more elevated they are than the men.
This was never the case with men. It never happened the other way round.
Don't tell me it is holy for me to wear a WIG! Hair over my hair. This is ridiculous!
Similarly, don’t tell me it is holy for me to plonk a permanent head covering on my head for the rest of my life. This is equally vile.
Please Wake Up.
Use the spark of intelligence that Hakadosh Baruch Hu gave to you and blessed you with.
And give your wig back to your husband if you wear one.
5. Remember: Not a single “dayan” or “rabbi” has the slightest bit of interest in correcting the situation for the women. Therefore, the women will have to correct the situation................for ..................themselves.
Whether you wish to accept the correction–which is true–is up to you. Are you going to live by the truth? Are you going to use the spark of intelligence that Hashem gave to you and all women? Or are you going to follow rabbis and dayanim who tell you to wear a wig in a Heat Wave–and you thank them for it as well?
The next things the "rabbis" will come up with is to tell the woman to wear a CARPET on her head. Not a sheitel AND a hat, but a Carpet. Or you could go for 5 shaitels on your heads and a rug.
And do you know what the Jewish woman will say to her husband?
"Yes, husband! I am now wearing a carpet on my head!"
You women must either be extremely thick, or petrified.
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