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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.


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Monday, October 31, 2005

Carpool Pressure

So I've got this great carpool situation.
I drive to work and I take my good friend who lives down the block with me.
Although we don't work for the same company we live and work so close together that sharing a commute is a breeze.

All the way there we joke around and talk about more serious matters in our lives and in the world. We mess with the radio, and make fun of JM in the AM.
She subjects me to her bad taste in music: Disco, oldies, Shiny Shoe, and club style dance music
and I subject her to mine: Power-pop, indie/alt rock, folk, punk and the 80's greatest hits.

On the way home we complain about the day's work, our jerky bosses, the stress, the idiots in the office and how we wish we were home with our kids. By the time we arrive at our doors we are relaxed, refreshed and unwound. In fact we both refer to our commute as "our social life."

Alas all good things must come to an end. A co-worker of my carpool buddy found out about our little "arrangement" and wants in. I've given her a ride a few times (I know her from our neighborhood) and she's certainly a nice person but its not going to be the same now.

My carpool buddy and I discussed it and we both agreed that we couldn't say no but we are both totally bummed.

Are we evil or just wimpy?
Maybe we are evil wimps.
Now THAT's depressing.

20 Comments:

At 4:37 PM, Blogger Krum as a bagel said...

Why don't youlet her in and ignore her? Not overtly of course, but she will be sitting in the back seatr, right? That sounds mean, but I know of a similar story where the carpool in question refused to let the third wheel join.

 
At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I Agree...
When will you be able to laugh, joke, talk about nothing and everything at the same time.
I say you drive reALLLLLLLLY fast and run red lights (without endangering anyone) until she runs out and says "sorry, i cant drive with you , no offense).

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Well I already drive like a maniac so that won't be a big change...
I was thinking about cleaning up my car since she's new and not used to the mess but maybe I won't...

As for as sitting in the back- my carpool buddy is very polite and will probably give this new woman the shotgun seat because she is older than either of us and I always drive.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger MC Aryeh said...

what is shiny shoe?

 
At 9:37 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Shiny Shoe is a J-Blog invention used to describe that overblown overproduced wedding style Jewish dance music so prevelant on the Jewish music scene today.

 
At 10:11 PM, Blogger Krum as a bagel said...

Shiny Shoe. I like that. Sometimes I feel like such a rookie.

 
At 10:14 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

I think MoChassid devised it, if I am not mistaken.

 
At 7:48 AM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

AskShifra: Why don't you use the "Cones of Silence" when talking?

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

Switch from JM to Howard and see if she sticks around.

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Actually, the way I get rid of some unwanted hitch-hikers (trempistim) is to tell them I commute via the Shchem/Ramalla road.

 
At 11:19 AM, Blogger dilbert said...

You can try it for a while, and if it doesn't work for you, tell her nicely that it doesn't work. While it is very nice of you to take her, if it makes you more grumpy when you get home, is it worth it, or fair to your kids/family? v'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha, like yourself, not more than yourself. You are allowed to be concerned about your mental health and than is a legitimate factor in deciding. Just like you dont automatically have to have your mother-in-law live with you.

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger Little Wolf said...

I have to go with Krum. If you are letting her 'ride along' with you she shouldn't change the atmosphere all that much. If she doesn't like the atmosphere, well then she has to either deal or change to another mode. (I am not suggesting being rude about things, just not changing because she is present.)

 
At 1:03 PM, Blogger Krum as a bagel said...

Hey aren't we supposed be doing the asking?

 
At 1:34 PM, Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der ┼íteg) said...

Ah, if only i had this problem... instead, i just need to make sure i can go to minyan and leave (frequently early) on time to make the uphill trek to the bus, so i can try to catch the one bus that'll get me to work on time.

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der ┼íteg) said...

Ah, if only i had this problem... instead, i just need to make sure i can go to minyan and leave (frequently early) on time to make the uphill trek to the bus, so i can try to catch the one bus that'll get me to work on time.

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger Mirty said...

I can see where if you have a real connection with your carpool partner, you don't want to lose that. Why not just admit the two of you are lesbian lovers? That will probably discouraged others from jumping in. (Or maybe not.)

heh heh ;)

OK, I'm sorry. I don't want to get kicked off the blog....

What I love about the vanpools at work is that three of them drive near my house, so I get to hop arond on different van pools. My favorite is the quiet van, because I'm a reader. But there is a also a "rockin'" van, with hip hop music and lots of conversation.

 
At 4:19 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Lots of good advice - and also weird humor (Mirty!)

Yes Krum, it's true that I set this blog up to GIVE advice but I'm just as happy to get some when questions to me are in short supply.

Thanks to all of you for your good advice however being raised in a house where good manners reined supreme I just don't have it in me to try and make my new rider uncomfortable (intentionally anyway).

Jameel- I think that it might be a little dangerous to drive with the cone of silence over my head (isn't that how it worked?!)

SW- If I switched to Howard *I'd* have to leave myself - I can't stand him!

Dilbert- I'll keep my eye on the situation and give it a chance. We'll see how it goes... I'll keep everyone posted.

 
At 5:08 PM, Blogger Mar Gavriel said...

Is it permitted for a psychotherapist to be in yichud with a patient of the opposite sex? See an interesting new teshuva, here.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

Well, you can ALWAYS go back to Nachum when the third wheel demands in horror to be let off at the next available rest stop.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger Still Wonderin' said...

It's been a few days....so what did you do? details. details!

 

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