Advice or Confirmation for the Lovelorn
On the internet, and more often in real life, I get asked for advice by people who already know exactly what they think about a given situation or what they plan to do about it. I call this a "request for validation."
I think that the woman who sent me this email already knows what the situation is here but let's take a look anyway shall we?
The original text of the question is in bold, my comments are in stylin' italics...
I posted this question on my blog, jewishLUVLIFE.blogspot.com. However, since I currently have only two members (both men) and only one has answered, and suggested I ask you, here I am! Any thoughts, ideas or suggestions would be appreciated.
What Do You Think About This Guy....
OK, there's this guy who's almost driving me nuts but I've got it under control, mostly.
I'll explain...see, I was taking a course and he was one of the teachers. And I was getting definate vibes and looks, but then I found out he had a girlfriend and I was very disappointed because it seemed like something was happening.
#1 Never get involved with a guy who is still in another relationship
#2 Vibes can be wrong
#3 If "This Guy" is seeing someone else and is actually giving you vibes and looks that should alert you to something as well...
#4 Students and teachers are a big no-no.
So I told a friend of mine--another guy--who happens to work there too. And he talked to that guy about it, and probably told him that it was unethical behavior. The guy who likes me (let's call him Teacher-guy) came up to me and said that he only likes me as a student and that he "can't" feel any other way about me because I'm a student, and that the only way he could ever get involved with a student is if the student had stopped being a student, and for a very long time.
#5 OOoooh mixed signals! Nice. The guy is sounding more and more like a winner already.
So, I dropped the whole thing. And then a whole thing happened where I took a different course that he doesn't teach, but didn't take it with his friend who teaches it (I took it with a different teacher) because I don't like her. Then the next time I saw him, he was very cold to me. So forget him, right?
#6 Cold? As opposed to what? He already made it clear that he can't have a relationship with you because he is a teacher and you are a student... I have "Don't stand so close to me" by the Police in my head now.
Right. Well then after that I started to ignore him, and then one day I'm in the hallway talking to a couple of other male faculty members, and suddenly I realize through peripheral vision that Teacher-guy is standing behind me watching and listening the whole time. And then when I'm done talking to them, as I turn around, I see through my peripheral vision that he's darted into a classroom before he thinks I could see him.
Forget him, right?
#7 That's a fabulous combination of creepy and wimpy... Why are we still even *talking* about this guy?! This letter is getting LONG...
THEN. I'm in the classroom a few days later, working with other teachers and students at different times, and I just ignore him. I never look at him, even when I see him glance my way. And before I know it, a teacher announces to me--while Teacher-guy standing right there, grinning at me--that there is going to be a "switch" and that the teacher who is currently working with me is going to leave and Teacher-guy is going to work with me.
He spent a lot of time working with me and going out of his way to joke and make me laugh.
#8 Very suspicious.
Is this one of those "He's just not that into me?" Does he not want me, but he really wants me to want him? Just curious.
Ok JLL, I think I've deliniated all the reasons this guy is sketchy at best: He's seeing someone, he runs hot and cold, he's off limits etc....
I can't begin to conjecture about what is going in that man's mind... The bottom line is that it really *doesn't matter* if he's into you or not into you it's just not happening, as I HOPE you already know. I wouldn't waste my time thinking about it, he's clearly a headtrip waiting to happen (or perhaps already happening!)