Men who hate women and the women who love them
I lifted this question from the comments section of DovBear's post on Heshy from Brooklyn where out-of-towner asked for my opinion on loving a misogynist.
If Heshy is in fact married, the reason I know his wife is probably ecstatically happy is that he sounds like a positive, sincere, great guy. And the more he writes, the more that is confirmed. The novelist, Milan Kundera, writes that a woman can only be truly happy with a misygonist because if he loves her, it is in spite of the fact that she is a woman, not because she is a woman. She will know that he isn't susceptable to playing around on her and she will feel most secure with him. I have always thought that was an interesting observation on his part. What do you think about that?
Before I could answer this question I wanted to make sure I knew the exact definition of the misogynist. It turns out it was simpler than I thought, a misogynist is nothing more than a man who hates women.
The whole concept of loving someone what you hate seems very paradoxical to me. How can someone who hates women truly love one "in spite" her womanhood?
This could be interpreted in a few ways, and here's a spoiler: none of them are good.
But first, what sort of a beaten down woman wants to be loved by a man who finds her half of the species worthy of his disdain? Will she enjoy seeing her mother, sister, friends and daughters mistreated or is his love for her so fulfilling and selfish that she cares not how the rest of the women in her life will be affected. If so, she's halfway to being a misogynist herself!
The very fact that he loves her despite her very essence is insane. While I agree that love and hate are very close I'm don't think it's possible to love a person while hating who they are. That means either a) the man is crazy or b) it is a very narrowly focused love- I love you, just not who you are. That doesn't sound like true love to me.
Alternatively, perhaps he doesn't love "her" at all. Maybe he loves her the way a person loves a good steak. He loves how she serves him and worships him. He loves how he feels when he is with her but it is only a self serving kind of love.
Lastly, a man who is able to overcome his revulsion of women to be with the one he "loves" may not really be a true misogynist after all. If is love for this woman is true, perhaps he may have conquered his hate leaving him open to love all kinds of women.
So, to answer your question OOT I think that any woman who wants to be loved by a misogynist is selling herself short. She will not be loved and she will nor will she be safe from a broken heart.