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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.

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Monday, April 30, 2007

The natural declination of the bath towel

1. The bath towel arrives as a gift - perhaps it was a wedding present or gift from a relative who has recently stayed at your house and was unimpressed by the worn Scooby Doo beach towel left neatly folded on the end of her bed.

2. The towel(s) stay in it's box a while sure they look nice, maybe a little too nice. Then there is always the question of washing them... Should you wash them before using them? Who wants to wash a new towel? Not me. Probably they should be washed seperately too, in case they bleed. No thanks, I'll wait.

3. Finally the day arrives when the towels are removed from the box - usually it's because all the other towels are in use or in the laundry. Of course with a so many towels ahead of it in line for the washer it's just going straight into service- manufacturers directions be damned.

4. Once this towel is properly washed and dried it becomes the ultimate towel. For guests only and occasionally the grownups of the house. When someone spills punch all over the carpet and you yell for one of the kids to bring a towel THIS is the towel they will bring you. Continue yelling until they bring you a different towel.

5. After a year or so the novelty will wear off and this towel will join the general population as a "good towel" still good enough for guests but it's up for grabs, who ever gets it gets it.

6. Many, MANY washings later this towel is now sub par. Not for guests, and the last choice for showers. It is now free to travel - to the play room for tea parties, to school as part of a king achashverosh costume, and to the beach.

7. When a towel gets to level seven get a large sharpie marker and write your last name on the edge in huge letters. This officially makes it a camp towel, and even though you only have a 50% of seeing it at the end of the summer the act of writing your name on it means you have made an effort. Camp towels can also be used to soak up punch from the couch as needed.

8. Should the towel return home from camp until the end of the summer (or summers if you are VERY lucky) your towel can now be cut up into rags for dusting or shoe polishing.
My mother once commented that my rags were "too raggy"
My response?
"And people say you are critical! HA!"

9. After that there's nothing left to do but toss them out.

The End


At 2:00 PM, Blogger Tzipporah said...

LOL!! As I read this I was mentally inventorying the contents of my linen closet and going, "umm-hmm, yup, exactly," and so on...

So was this brought on by taking a towel out of its box, or labeling them in preparation for summer?

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

We just got our dryer repaired (the engine got flooded when we had all that water in the basement) I've been catching up on all kinds of laundry and seeing all my towels started me thinking...

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Holy Hyrax said...

towels eh? hmm

[thinking of something clever to say]

At 2:17 PM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

Maybe you need an 18-hour towel.

At 2:24 PM, Blogger BrooklynWolf said...

This is hysterical. I love it. I'm going to link to it on my blog.

The Wolf

At 2:26 PM, Blogger Holy Hyrax said...

>Maybe you need an 18-hour towel.

[thinking: should I ask what that means? "NO, you fool, everyone will think you're a moron or a foreigner. Just laugh at it and hope Shifra goes on to the next post"]


At 2:56 PM, Blogger Looking Forward said...


hysterical post, but the word is decline, not declination. Declination refers to the position of something in the sky relative to the axis of the north pole.

unless you mean that towels go up to heaven and become stars when they die :-)

At 3:01 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

HNC - Sorry sir:

Pronunciation Key[dek-luh-ney-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
–noun 1. a bending, sloping, or moving downward.
2. deterioration; decline.

(from dictionary.com)

Thanks Wolf!

PT - Is that like an 18 hour bra?
I don't think I'd want to stay wrapped in a towel for 18 hours!

At 3:13 PM, Blogger Holy Hyrax said...

Thank God for the internet


At 3:21 PM, Blogger deadherring said...

"My mother once commented that my rags were "too raggy"
My response?
"And people say you are critical! HA!"

This line made me laugh out loud. It's one of those lines that just exposes the foolishness of the comment and leaves no room for a response. The guy in the cube over is looking at me funny now.

At 3:23 PM, Blogger Looking Forward said...

shifra, its the wrong context.

At 3:50 PM, Blogger SaraK said...

Terrific post! You're a riot.

At 4:24 PM, Blogger RaggedyMom said...

I'm glad you ended with throwing out the towel. I was worried this was going to go the way of some kind of inspired suggestion to "turn all your old towels into a keepsake quilt!"

At 5:22 PM, Blogger Jack Steiner said...

A good towel is worth a lot.

At 5:23 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to agree. Declination is only ever used when discussing the position of the sun, a star or constellation of stars relative to the celestial equator.

At 6:01 PM, Blogger DTC said...

"Zaidy can fix it! Yossi cried. Hmm, said Zaidy as he slowly looked over the towel. Snip Snip Snip went his scissors as he turned the towel around and around. And soon, he had turned the towel into a brand new....."

OTOH, never leave home without your trusty towel.

At 6:25 PM, Blogger Sarah Likes Green said...

lol - such is life. if you're a towel.

At 9:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

realy funny

At 11:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm just about ready to throw in the towel...
I have towels I got married with and i am having my 17th engagement anniversary next week

At 12:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

How true! Did you find any missing socks when they repaired your dryer? The mystery in our house is 2 fold; how does one twin have so many more socks than his brother, when they start out with the same number and why am I always left with odd socks?

Thanks again for the great post!

At 12:42 AM, Blogger mother in israel said...

I can never figure out how my parents kept their towels for 30+ years. I actually still have one of them, but it's definitely headed for the rag pile. . . only to be thrown out when completely threadbare. Old towels and boys' sportsocks make the best rags.

At 2:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Shifra, how about writing a post on "The (un)natural declinatoin of the sheital"

At 8:34 AM, Blogger Shifra said...

HH That's an EXCELLENT idea.
Once I finish my original list of lists I will try to get to that one!

At 10:36 AM, Blogger PsychoToddler said...

"And it came to pass

"In the hour of the Declination of the Towel

"That all the Sheitels were left to burnination..."

At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Leave Shifra's post title alone. It's a perfectly cromulent use of the word.

At 8:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good post. :)

At 9:46 AM, Blogger Scraps said...

Hehehe. I love new towels. :)


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