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Ask Shifra

Something Different... Answering questions and making curious observations (online) since 2005.

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Thursday, December 29, 2005

New Feature!!

Inspired by the title of this post I’ve decided to create the world’s first heimish online soap opera. Please bear with me, I’ve never written a script before (unless you count summer camp skits or graduation speeches) so it’s bound to be a little rocky at first.

I call it:


Episode one: Scene One:

Early evening.

The modest home of Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg somewhere in the five boroughs. All the furnishings date back to the late 50’s and yet look brand new due to it’s thick layer of preservative plastic which as been replaced several times in the last 60 years. Pictures of grandchildren abound especially over the never used fireplace and atop the out-of-tune piano.
Fattening foods are stacked on platters on every surface not already covered by photos of grandchildren, in preparation for a Chanuka party.
Mrs. Rosenberg stands watching at the window for her son and his family to arrive while Mr. Rosenberg watches the weather channel on an ancient console TV in the living room.

Mrs. Rosenberg: Bernie, shut that off already. The kids should be here any minute and we still need to decide about… well you know.

Mr. Rosenberg: Oy, this again! Every year you say you want to “decide” and then I say “lets do it” and then you say oh, now is not a good time because everyone is in such a good mood, or Malky is pregnant, or the kids are in the room, or Boruch is out of work… Do it or don’t do it but leave me out if it this time.

Mrs. Rosenberg: I know, I know we really shouldn’t have waited until our boy was 38 to tell him he’s adopted, he just seems so much like our son I didn’t see the point in stirring all that up. All the questions, all the tzuris… I guess I’d just hoped he’d figure it out on his own by now. Every year it seems to get harder and harder to tell him. (Sighs) I know it's foolish but I always thought it might get in the way of his dreams... you know... but now that he's married, with beautiful children- he's got his Phd in psychology and he's the Rabbi of a wonderful modern orthodox kelliah it seems like all his dreams have come true so what could it hurt right?

Sound of minivan pulling into the driveway, lights shine in the front window.

Mrs. Rosenberg: (with resolve) OK tonight is the night, I'm going to tell him right after we give the kids their chanuka presents. Go open the door, I need to check on the latkes.

Scene Two:
Setting: Evening
The bais medrish of a famous yeshiva in Jerusalem, maariv is just wrapping up. Suddenly there is a loud bang, followed by gasping and a general panic at the front of the room.

Bochar #1: (in Hebrew) What happened, what happened!!

Bochar #2: (in Hebrew) It's the Rosh Yeshiva I think, let me get a closer look

Bochar #2 squeezes himself forward for a closer look, the Rosh Yeshiva, an older man with a grey and white beard lies motionless on the floor. His talmidim stand all around him chattering loudly about what should be done but not acutally doing anything.

Rav #1: It's his head! He hit it on the Shtender during va' anchnu Korim in aliynu!! I heard the thump but he fell to the ground before I could get to him!

Students moan and begin reciting tehillim. Minutes later someone finally remembers to call the ambulance.

Tune in next week for another exciting episode of THE MODERN AND THE ORTHODOX!


At 9:41 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooh, I'm the first commentor! LOL, this is great! Excellent details in the description of the Rosenberg home.

Also, check out the story-in-progress at R' Neil Fleischmann's blog - here. Your creativity will be welcomed.

At 10:24 AM, Blogger Steg (dos iz nit der šteg) said...

Oh no! The mystery is killing me!

What possible connection could there be between a pair of adopting grandparents and an overly-energetic-but-now-deceased rosh yeshiva????

I can't wait 'til the next episode!!!! ;-)

At 11:39 AM, Blogger Air Time said...

Perhaps the energetic but now deceased rosh yeshiva made some mistakes when he was younger, and is the biological father of the adopted child.

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Shifra said...

I don't believe I ever said he was dead. Just not moving...
OK enough said.

Also, don't forget that (from the one or two soap opera episodes I've seen) there are always numerous subplots. We'll have to see how things develop.

At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hilarious!! You've got me hooked!

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Little Wolf said...

Oooh, you mean we have to wait until next week for the next segment of the story. I am not sure I can wait. The suspense is ... okay a little over the top. How about, I truly enjoyed this and I am glad you have decided to do it. Until the next episode:
Same Shifra Time/Same Shifra Blog(Channel) Whatever.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Excellent! Its about time some new compelling content appeared on the JBlogosphere.

We should all expect to see this daily, right? :)(Now you can sell commercial ads as well)

One correction though; there's not a snowballs chance that in a yeshiva in Jerusalem that Hatzala wouldn't show up within a minute. Granted, MDA might not be called, but there would be a dozen Hatzala people there almost instantly.

At 4:14 PM, Blogger The back of the hill said...

I like the idea that the Rabbi should undergo conversion - that's one heck of a twist right there! And ten episodes later, maybe you can dig up his birthmother (Ruchele Mosheva Davidoff, or sumpn like that). Whose cousin the Rosheshiva.....

Wow. Already a scandal.

At 6:49 PM, Blogger Shifra said...

Thanks for all the ideas guy, I'm glad you are as excited about this as I am, you'll have to stay tuned and find out.

Anon the dog, are you perhaps related to anon the cat?

Jameel - I'm sure that Jerusalem has an excellent emergenct service team - but they can't come if no one calls them! I loved the idea of everyone standing around and no one calling for help.

At 8:27 AM, Blogger Y.Y. said...

its awesome keep up

At 7:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i hate the show. it stinks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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