The Usual Suspects

In nearly every place I've worked there seem to be a few everpresent "types" of employees on the payroll.

In the style of a National Geographic Special I have tracked down a couple of them in their natural habitats for a closer look.

Perhaps you will recognize them in the wilds of your workplace or can describe some of your own favorites I look forward to hearing about them!

Employee #1
The Fratboy turned Salesguy
Often seen in a homogeneous herd of immature white males, these creatures laugh too loud and too often. Working mostly on commission, these men will do whatever it takes to make the sale especially if it involves drinking, golf, dirty jokes or a trip to Hooters. These men often are quite successful, although there intelligence is often merely average or lower thus frustrating more intellectually minded co-workers. While not generally considered predatory the FTS have been known to whack the unsuspecting co-worker on the back without warning.


Employee #2:
The Office Lady
Ranging in age anywhere from 35-60 in a middle to low ranking position (office manager, secretary, bookkeeper), this woman feels she "runs the office" and will do anything within her power to assert that control. Despite her plump and pleasant appearance in holiday themed sweaters this woman will stab you in the back if she feels you are getting to close to anyone in management she feels is "hers" or if she smells success in the air.
This woman is very up to date on all office gossip, yet blissfully unaware of what is being said about her behind her own back. Cross her and you will never ever get that stapler you requested.